A Merry Hogwarts Christmas
by snapesgirl1981
Summary: A wacky christmas at Hogwarts has various funny and smutty results including the couple of SS and HG, a talking christmas tree named Jikes, yellow snow and Draco getting the weirdest idea. COMPLETE


**A Merry Hogwarts Christmas**

By snapesgirl1981

Editor: the wonderful Carrie     

Disclaimer: JK.Rowling owns HP and the plot idea is from a WIKTT challenge called _Mistletoe Challenge. I uploaded it as the second chapter so if you want to read it before reading this story go the second chapter please._

Timeline: As requested in the challenge it is christmas holidays in the gang's 7th year. Voldemort is defeated and everybody wants to have a good time. The Yule Ball  is a simple christmas celebration, instead of a dance.

Pairings (more or less):HG/SS, DM/HP, Sprout/GL,

Note: I hope this is funny, and not meant serious at all. If anybody is totally OOC I won't say I am sorry because I am not. I try to keep them as much in character as possible so. Please be aware of implied slash, very graphic sexual content and some general madness. Please don't look for much plot here, simply enjoy the wackiness. 

**_A merry Christmas, Hanukah, Ramadan and whatever you are celebrating in your part of the world to all the readers and I hope you get into the holiday spirit!_**

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In retrospect Hermione and Severus could have never said if it was their best or worst Christmas ever. Probably both in some ways, but it was sure the most unusual Christmas she had ever celebrated which of course had to do with several people being part of it for the first time ever. For example, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, who as she had already expected, came up with the wackiest ideas around the holidays including but not limited to Slytherins and Gryffindors singing all kinds of Christmas carols (with hexes and curses thrown in of course), Gilderoy Lockhart stripping in front of the whole assembled crowd ( the memory charm was obviously still in place), a talking Christmas tree called Jikes who babbled obscenities all night (his favourite target for some reason being Filch and any females) and of course the enchanted mistletoe hanging in the great hall that caused all kinds of trouble that day so many years ago. Sure as hell Harry, Ron and Hermione later sniggered about this particular moment many a times in fond remembrance of the madness caused by one crazy headmaster who wanted to celebrate the defeat of Voldemort and overdid it a tad. Not really much judging from the things his students where used from him over the years.

It all started on Christmas morning when Hermione woke up and found Harry and Ron in her room asleep on the ground and gasped for a second trying to come up with a reason for why the boys would break into her head girl's bedroom decorated with tinsel all over their bodies which now half of it was all over her carpet. Grunting, she poked Harry's ribs and kicked Ron in the ass gently with her bare foot until both stirred awake and instantly their faces broadened into a merry grin. 

"Good morning Mione and Happy Christmas!" they both screamed and sprang onto her bed, hugging her from both sides therefore managing to cover her with almost as much tinsel as her carpet. When they let her breathe again she pointed at her fluffy red carpet accusingly.

"Tell me guys, where did you get all this tinsel from? Last time I checked you weren't Christmas trees." She huffed.

Ron instantly jumped off the bed and ran to the window where the snow storm had stopped raging last night and now the whole area outside stretching to the boundaries of the Forbidden Forest was covered almost two meters in snow, bright brilliant yellow snow to be exact.

"Blood Hell! Look at the snow! Harry, Mione! It's yellow!" he began to jump up and down next to the window of course spreading more of that ugly garish greenish tinsel on her room and furniture. He began to roar managing to get all the notes wrong: "_Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to play in this yellow snow!" Soon Harry joined almost as off-beat as the redhead making Hermione cringe in horror and wishing desperately for peaceful silence this morning which so far had started so horribly strange._

"STOP YOU TWO!" she yelled and both of the boys stopped midsentence keeping their mouths open like fishes out of water. But after a second they seemed to recover pretty quickly and with one silent look of agreement they spread their arms, and sprang towards the bed taking their bushy haired friend with them onto the soft mattress and erupted into roaring laughter.

Hermione silently began to wonder if maybe they had finally snapped and gone totally crazy, but then it could be simply too much of last night's chocolate or raging hormones. She freed herself from the two sniggering young men and stepped to the window to have a look outside where indeed the snow was ugly yellow as far as she could look_._ Shaking her head silently she tried to brush off the sickening tinsel from her pyjamas but was only halfway successful. Turning around she found the boys asleep again, Harry's head nestled into Ron's left knee and Ron hugging Crookshanks who had slept throughout this ordeal. Not wasting another minute she changed into a jeans and a blouse using her wand, pinned her hair into a bun and left the room trying to find out why these two were behaving the way they did which granted could have no reason at all and why the snow obviously had changed colour over the night.  _Hargid must have been herding the Thestrals AND the Unicorns on the lawn again, that's why._

It all became clearer when she reached the great hall where already a huge group of students and some teachers were assembled around a large Christmas tree decorated over the brim with tinsel (the sickening garish green could be explained now easily), crystal orbs and silver stars. As she got nearer she heard the voice of her head of house, Minerva McGonagall, sounding strangely tipsy.

"I think it is splendid! Splendid! A talking Christmas tree, what a great idea Gilderoy!"

The moment Hermione could see the two teachers standing before the Christmas tree she could make out indeed Gilderoy Lockhart, who stood in a bright blue robe with golden stars covering it and smiling broadly.

"I thought so and you know what Minerva- I thought it would be a great idea to enchant the paintings so that they could sing some Christmas songs while we are celebrating here." 

McGonagall's face was still stretched into a most unusual grin and now she clapped her hands in an excited manner.

"Awesome idea Gilderoy! Let's start shall we? I am sure Filius and Pamona will help us if we ask them." She led him away and the students around the tree were once again trying to get Jikes the Christmas tree to say something.

_My god, what happened to Hogwarts? Lockhart is back, McGonagall using words like splendid and awesome,  happily agreeing with Lockhart! Insane!  A talking Christmas tree! What's next? Singing paintings if those two go ahead with their plan._

In this moment she heard a deep voice which seemed to emanate from the tree.

"Hey there babycakes, looking for some action?"

Hermione turned around and raised her brows. "Yes?"_ She was talking to a tree, for god's sake!_

"Why don't you go and find a man to shag, or would you like to brush up to my branches baby?" He sniggered leeringly and Hermione paled with anger. _How dare he!_

In this moment she heard a deep voice hissing a venomous "Make way!" and then Severus Snape appeared out of the crowd of students with Dumbledore, wearing a robe artistically spun with a Christmas lights pattern that flashed different colours, in tow. Snape wasn't hard to miss, the only one in black among a sea of people dressed in holiday colours. He stared at the tree as this began to roar with gruff sarcastic laughter.

"What the hell…" he mused but in this moment the tree stopped the sniggering and began to mutter another obscenity.

"Why not shag with this overgrown bat here babycakes? I am sure he could use a good shag to get him smile for the first time in his life. I declare that Hermione Granger, the head giving girl, should shag Potions Master Snape, the greasy black bastard right here in the great hall!"

While Hermione blushed Christmas red and Snape obviously was lost for words, Dumbledore happily agreed. "What a great idea!"

The two turned around and glared simultanously to the headmaster who twinkled with obvious joy. "I mean the smiling part, of course not the rest!"

Hermione rolled her eyes and groaned, and for one moment she shared a look with Snape that was filled with understanding. For some reason the whole school had gone insane and obviously they were the only ones unaffected by it, and desperately trying to maintain some sort of dignity. 

Without another word Snape haughtily turned around, black robes snapping about his feet, and quickly disappeared to the peaceful cloister of his dungeons and Hermione after a moment's hesitation decided some breakfast would be great.

To say the day got better from there would be a downright lie. If possible it got worse with Professor Dumbledore ordering the first year's Gryffindors and Slytherins to practice some Christmas tunes in the great hall which ended up in half the first year's and Professor Sprout in the hospital wing suffering from various curses like the jelly legs curse or holly berry boils covering the whole body. At this time Hermione honestly considered taking Harry's broom and trying to fly to Hogsmead, which would have been a great idea if she considered that the worst was yet to come.

You see, Professor Albus Dumbledore was a creative man who enjoyed all kinds of festivities very much, and after Voldemort was defeated he seemed to think that Hogwarts needed a very special Christmas so he placed an enchanted mistletoe in the entrance of the great hall in silent gleeful anticipation of what fun was to come. By afternoon, half of Hogwarts was snogging in various parts of the castle and some students notified Filch of moaning coming out of a closet in the first floor. which turned out to be very red-faced third years that would have received detention had not the headmaster banned all kinds of punishment for this day.

Four o'clock found Hermione walking through the hallways with her hands in her jeans trying to ignore the craziness around her, which now consisted of several students decorating the rest of the castle. The Gryffindor common room looked like it was covered from the floor to the ceiling with golden tinsel and singing Santa's were everywhere entertaining poor by-passers with a merry "Deck the halls" or "Jingle Bells". All in all Hermione was ready to explode at the next opportunity with frustration about her being stuck in this castle, that as a whole had obviously gone mad.

She now had learned from the headmaster himself that he had cast a powerful cheering charm on the whole castle which basically made everybody behave like they were tipsy and cheery. For some reason the only ones not affected were Hermione and Snape which Dumbledore had pointed out at lunch. His eyes had twinkled when he had implied that maybe those two should think about their general attitude towards Christmas as a whole, as they were much too serious and needed to lighten up given the war was won and it was time to drink in the happiness of both the victory and Christmas.

As she neared the great hall she bowed her head trying to get away with as little tinsel on her and "Merry Christmases" as possible which lead to her bumping into somebody when she was stepping into the hall. She would have fallen from the impact if that somebody hadn't shown excellent reaction and steadied her with his arms. Looking up she found a frowning potions Master and sighed.

"I am sorry Professor Snape, I wasn't looking." she apologized hoping against hope that he wouldn't deduct points for that. 

But of course on a day like this, in the rotten mood the man was already in this was in vain.

"As was apparent Miss Granger. 10 points taken for your carelessness." he sarcastically smirked, in the revelation that something was finally normal for this day.

Remus Lupin, who passed by at this moment smiled broadly. "Have you forgotten Severus, no punishment today? You can't take points or any other form of punishment." He put some gingerbread into his mouth and chewed. "It's Christmas Severus! Why not have a great time instead?"

Snape snorted. "I detest Christmas. Now let me get into the dungeon before somebody else decides to walk into me, or worse, wishes me."  His voice lowered to a cold tone, " good cheer."

He made three steps and then doublded over in pain, cluching his gut as did Hermione. Lupin pulled him back next to the surprised girl and pointed to the ceiling. 

"Mistletoe my dark friend. You have to kiss her or you can't move more than two steps away from her." He said with a broad  warm smile.

Snape's face darkened. "I will do no such thing! She is a student of mine, Remus!"

Lupin shrugged. "It's Christmas Severus. By the way, Dumbledore casted the spell on the mistletoe so you won't get into any trouble." At the potions Master's angry features he relented. "Well you don't have to French kiss her or shag her Severus. It's just a quick peck that is necessary to break the spell."

Hermione all in a sudden felt like her legs were made of jelly. Maybe a curse? Or could it be that the prospect of being kissed by Severus Snape was turning her on? Oh my! But then the angry reply from the potions Master destroyed her fantasy and cooled her mind considerably.

"I will not kiss this little know-it-all. Under no circumstances!" Snape bellowed.

Hermione felt a sharp pang in her heart and tried to not let the words get to her as much but she felt hurt. Was she so awful that kissing her was that horrible an idea?

Lupin shook his head and whistled. "Then you have to live with this curse till midnight. It will vanish at 12 o'clock but until then you either kiss her or you have to stay by her side."

With that he was gone disappearing into the hall and left an angry Snape and a quiet Hermione in the doorway. After a couple of stunned moments Snape yanked Hermione to his body and dragged her along through the big hallway down the stairs to the dungeons all the while muttering under his breath.

"Stupid Dumbledore! How dare he cast such mad cursed spells on the whole castle? I dispisse Christmas, I hate it and nothing will change that. Let's see if I can break your cursed spell, Albus, let's see…"

Hermione had stiffened when he had pulled her to his body but slowly she relaxed and enjoyed the strange sensations cursing through her body. He was warm, smelled faintly of pine trees and rosemary and his arm that was pressing her to his body was surprisingly strong. 

Far too soon they had reached the door to his office and he pulled her inside not letting go of her and walked to another door. Opening it with his right arm he stepped through it pulling the girl still with him and closed the door behind them.

Hermione found herself in a study obviously filled with large shelves of books and a small sitting area with two arm chairs next to a chimney. He let her go when he had reached the shelves and began to pull out books and flipping through them. Hermione inhaled deeply and then sank down in a chair next to her. A grimace from Snape and a second later a searing pain in her belly told her that this was more than two steps.

Without looking up she mumbled a silent "Sorry" and stared into her lap. Somehow being in here with her least favourite professor was a bit intimidating so say the least. Again his words rang in her ear "_I will not kiss this little know-it-all!_" and it hurt. Hurt like hell and Hermione felt to her horror tears welling up in her eyes. Quickly she tried to wipe them away but they just kept running down her burning cheeks.

A second later Snape looked up and raised a brow. _Hermione Granger is silent, will wonders never cease. _But then he noticed her trembling hands and the wetness dropping onto her jeans and he inhaled deeply. She was crying and very likely because of him. To his surprise this thought made him feel uncomfortable somewhere inside and he put the book back inside the shelf and knelt down next to the now silently weeping girl. Not knowing what to do because he wasn't used to comforting students, bloody hell he never cared for students at all, but here he was and he groaned silently. This made her freeze and tremble even more so that her whole body shivered.

Silently Snape put his hand on hers and lifted her chin with two fingers looking into her now tear-stained eyes. All of a sudden he asked himself how he could have overlooked how wonderful she was, and how much he wanted to kiss her tears away. So he caressed her cheek with one finger letting it wipe away the wetness and when he slid them over her trembling lips she moaned quietly.

Later Snape would have sworn twenty vows that it had been a side affect of the spell even so Dumbledore assured the troubled professor that there was no such thing as a side affect to this spell. Later he would curse himself for letting this happen, later when his erection wasn't straining against his robes and his hands weren't itching to feel her skin, exploring her body until he knew every curve of it, every little place where she would gasp with pleasure. He wanted to possess Hermione Granger, have her beneath him moaning his name as she climaxed and he wanted all of this now, here. 

Having made up his mind, not questioning himself any longer it seemed like a good idea and he stood up pulling the girl with him pressing her to his body again feeling the warmth seep through his robes and the way his body reacted instantly to her proximity. If his cock wasn't fully erect before it surely was now and as he trapped her face with his hands and bored his black orbs into the amber eyes of the girl he liked to refer to as the little Gryffindor know-it-all he uttered sharply:

"I will kiss you now and I want it to be clear that I do that to lift the spell. But if you don't leave then immediately I will shag you senseless after that." 

Her eyes widened but she kept silent for once and only nodded. He felt content in knowing that if she stayed she wanted this to happen and bent down to her small frame and lowered his lips onto hers, first only pressing them onto her soft ones and then instead of instantly deepening the kiss he rather began to nip on her lower lip causing her to groan again. Then he pushed out his tongue and traced the outline of her lips lazily opening her mouth little by little until she was whimpering in his embrace having thrown her arms around his neck and playing with his hair there making him mad with lust. 

With surprising gentleness he swept his tongue into her mouth tracing the flesh there and caressing her back with his arms. It was several moments until need for oxygen forced them apart and he felt her go limp in his arms. Gazing down he saw her glazed darkened eyes and the way her breathing had quickened and knew without a doubt that she would stay. Smiling with satisfaction he pulled her into his arms and carried her into his bedroom that was connected to his study by a large oak door. Placing her on the dark green satin sheets he crawled over her, pinning her body with his and began to assault her mouth once again this time with more passion, more force.

When he began to nibble down her throat and slowly began to open her soft cotton blouse button by button, she groaned his name for the first time.

"Severus." She pulled his head closer running fingers through his hair as he pushed her bra aside and engulfed her left nipple making her arch her back with pleasure. He sucked and licked and for a moment she feared she would come just from his ministrations but then he let go of her breast and began to lick down her belly to her navel. Before she had a chance to say or do anything her circled her navel with his tongue forcing all kinds of sounds from her and intensifying the wetness between her thighs. He leisurely flicked his wand and her robes disappeared complete with her jeans and blouse leaving nothing but her dark green silken panties which made a feral grin appear on his face.

"Seems like you have dressed up for the occasion." he voiced huskily making her shiver all over her body with his very deep sexy voice. 

He slowly moved his hand over her left breast circling her nipple and then bent down biting into it softly. She inhaled sharply and when he meet her gaze again there was a fire of passion raging in her eyes- indeed a lioness which made him grin slightly.

"I see that you are a real Gryffindor even here with a Slytherin like me." He slowly moved his finger downwards until her reached her panty line and caressed the soft flesh there moving his fingers ever so slightly under the silken material. She panted moaning when his hand brushed her curls there making her close her eyes with pleasure.

He bent down so that he could see her face clearly and began to suck on her neck under her ear; at the time he moved his fingers over her most sensitive spot which led to a loud growl and then when he began to caress her in earnest forced her to scream a fiery "Yes!"

He chuckled against her skin and her eyes flew open as he pushed one finger inside her. He gripped her chin with the other hand whispering softly:

"Look at me when you come, Hermione!" he purred in deep honeyed tones.

She was entranced by his voice, by his gaze, by his sinuous movements, and the way he pushed now two fingers in and out of her channel. She couldn't have closed her eyes if she had wanted because seeing the passion in his eyes spurred her own. When he traced her lips again she sucked his index finger into her mouth which made him in return nod with content.

Her blood pumped through her whole body, she began to mumble incoherent words and then a wave of pleasure gripped her as she felt her orgasm approaching. A wave of pleasure swept over her body and his dark eyes seemed to follow her every movement. A day ago if somebody had described this scenario to her she would have called it creepy now it was turning her on on so many levels that she simply surrendered to this unknown side of her.

When the waves faded he pulled his fingers out of her and when he put them into his mouth she felt the wetness return immediately. _Oh god, I am turning into a whore! This shouldn't turn me on._ But it did and right there and then Hermione decided that she wouldn't fight something that felt so right. She let a smile appear on her face and gripped his head brushing his lips with her own.

When he moved she felt his errection against her thigh and grinned. 

"It's time for payback, don't you think so?" she whispered against his lips.

A light appeared in his eyes as he began to lick her chin as if she was a lollipop.

"You begin to sound like a Slytherin. Never knew you had that side in you or I would have fostered our relationship sooner." he mentioned almost purring again.

She realized his voice alone could turn her into a bitch in heat. Instead of replying anything she let a smile grace her features and gently began to open the first button of his black robes.

Meanwhile in the rest of the castle the madness had reached unknown heights. After Lupin, Lockhart and Flitwick had started a snowball fight and Peeves had entertained the whole student body with a twisted version of _Away in a Manger_ which turned out _Away in a chamber_ and described very vividly an orgy between several of the teachers and students which according to the ghost had taken place in the morning. The so far not drunk students had assembled in the great hall waiting for the performance of one Gilderoy Lockhart. 

After ten minutes he appeared on stage in a tight Santa costume, without the beard of course, and began to undress under the encouraging cheers and whistles from his audience. His hips swayed to the music and eventually his last item of cloth fell, a Santa hat he had worn to cover his most private part. Due to an overly enthusiastic Professor Sprout who had jumped the stage and had removed it. She began to giggle when she fell on top of the professor; when he helped her up she pointed at his ass and shouted for the whole group of students and teachers to hear:

"He has a tattoo. It says _I am SS's biggest fan!"_

For a moment everybody was puzzled until Draco yelled with sudden glee:

"SS means Severus Snape."

The hall irrupted into laughter as Lockhart quickly disappeared off the stage with a blush dragging the head of Hufflepuff with him.

But that wasn't the end of the merriment. Not at all since somebody had spiked the punch with fire whiskey and more and more people got drunk. After a while Draco found himself under the mistletoe with Harry Potter and before the dark haired boy could react the blond slytherin had gripped him and began to assault his mouth with kisses. After a second of hesitation the messy dark haired boy returned them with much passion.

The evening was rounded up with a squirrel being chased through the castle by the students who could still walk, Dumbledore dancing and nuzzling with a flustered Minerva McGonagall, Goyle receiving a broken nose from Ronald Weasley because he had kissed his sister ( he was forced since they had stood under the mistletoe which could be explained to the raging Weasley before he broke any other parts of the other's body), a red nosed Neville Longbottom was handing out cursed candy he had received in a package from Fred and George Weasley, of course he was totally oblivious until Lupin pointed it out and then in all the good merriment Professor Vector danced with Filch causing several students to get sick with the sight of that.

As Professor Dumbledore remarked, it was a good night and nobody wondered where Hermione and the Potions Master were in all this fuss.

It was later that evening at around eleven o'clock when the two of them left the dungeons and walked upstairs keeping some space between then. Not that they were ashamed of anything but it was better to not elaborate on this until Hermione had graduated from Hogwarts. The small grins shared between them were indication that this was far from finished.

When they stepped into the great hall they found only Albus Dumbledore who smiled merrily when the two approached him where he sat on a chair in the middle of the still decorated hall.

"Ah there you are. I see you got rid of the spell after all." He sounded amused with this and his eyes twinkled. 

Somehow Hermione knew in this moment that the headmaster knew exactly what had happened and the way in which Severus paled slightly showed that he knew it as well. Before either could say anything the old wizard raised his hand.

"You know, sometimes it is better not to waste too many words on things. Sometimes even the toughest spell can not make people get into Christmas spirit but a delicate touch, some action taken, can." He played with beard and then his blue eyes sparkled with mirth. "I do not want to know about it  till summer next year but until then I close my eyes to the two of you." He got up and moved to the big door turning around one more time. "I would say everybody had a great night. Merry Christmas you two!"

With that he was gone and left the two alone in the hall staring into each other's eyes. Before either could say something they heard a rustle from one of the tables and a flustered Lockhart and a grinning Professor Sprout could be seen.

"Could you please get your own room dears, it's getting rather crowded here."

One last look affirmed that firstly they had to leave immediately and secondly that they would have to find out what happened here tonight. In this night everybody had pleasant dreams as Professor Dumbledore had casted another spell and even Jikes, the talking Christmas tree was mumbling happily. 

When Ronald Weasley crept up the stairs into his dormitory he found Harry and Draco curled up into each other's arms and he sniggered. He wondered how this would turn out tomorrow. When he got into his bed he sighed already anticipating how everybody would react to the few surprises he had hidden in all of the presents with Fred and George's help. But that it another story.

_- The end – Merry Christmas everybody and a happy new year._


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